Troll Security Service

Types of Mountain Troll and Woodland Troll:

~ Ringlefinch

~ Rimetosser

~ Tosserlad

~ Mountain King

~ Harding

~ Jotnar


Facts:

~ Trolls are mammals

~ Trolls can smell Christian blood

~ Trolls turn to stone or explode when exposed to sunlight/UV rays


Troll Delicacies:

~ Concrete

~ Charcoal

~ Car tyres



* Post inspired by the film Trollhunter *

Decadent Intellectualism

First-year undergraduate Theology paper


1) Explain Luther's doctrine of the Cross. What is the difference between a "theologian of glory" and a "theologian of the Cross"?


2) What does Kant mean by the statement: "A hundred real thalers would not be worth more than a hundred possible thalers."


3) "Believers have a perpetual struggle with their own lack of faith." Explain what Calvin meant by this sentence.




* Information derived from Sidney Chambers and the Perils of the Night by James Runcie *

A Canon Has To Eat As Well...

Supper with Hildegard Staunton at Le Bleu Blanc Rouge:

Homemade pate and toast

Chicken breast with new potatoes

Chocolate mousse laced with Grand Marnier


Dinner in St John's Wood hosted by Nigel and Juliette Thompson:

Mackerel pate with Melba toast

Chicken casserole with green beans and toasted almonds

Lemon tart




* Post inspired by the novel Sidney Chambers and the Perils of the Night written by James Runcie *

Mysterious New Year's Eve Dinner Party

Thursday 31st December 1953

St John's Wood, London

Hosted by Nigel Thompson MP and Mrs Juliette Thompson

Special guests:

Canon Sidney Chambers

Miss Daphne Young

Mr Guy Hopkins

The Hon. Amanda Kendall

Mrs Mary Dowland

Mr Mark Dowland

Miss Jennifer Chambers

Mr Jonathan Johnson

Menu:

French onion soup

Pheasant accompanied by roast parsnips, carrots, cabbage and game chips

Lemon meringue pie

Served with Beaujolais and Champagne

* Information derived from the book: Sidney Chambers and the Shadow of Death written by James Runcie *

Luncheon with Lord Teversham

Venue: 
Locket Hall, Cambridge

Guests: 
Cicely Teversham
 Amanda Kendall
Sidney Chambers

Menu:

Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding

Served with Mouton Rothchild 1949

Banana fritters

Served with a rather fruit little Gail




* Post inspired by the novel Sidney Chambers and the Shadow of Death written by James Runcie *

The Holbein Rustler

Wilkie Phillips

Has a preference for the rare Anne Boleyn painting by Holbein. 

Lives in a farmhouse outside of Ely.

Stocks up on:
~ Condensed milk
~ Salmon paste
~ Bread
~ Bananas


* Information derived from the novel: Sidney Chambers and the Shadow of Death *

The Librarian and The Calcutec

A fine meal for two:

~ Vino ~
Aperitivo

~ Antipasti ~
Insalata di gamberetti alle fragole
Ostriche al vivo
Mortadella di fegato
Seppie al nero
Melanzane alla parmigiana
Wakasagi marinata

~ Primi ~
Spaghetti al pesto genovese
Tagliatelle alla casa
Maccheroni al sugo di pesce
Branzino al cartoccio

~ Contorni ~
Spinaci 
Risotto i funghi
Verdure cotte
Risotto al pomodoro

~ Dolce ~
Granita di uva
Crema fredda
Suffle al limone
Espresso


Information derived from Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World written by Haruki Murakami 

Welbeck's Superior Buttons of Birmingham

Quotes from Jonathan Strange, second magician in England:

"Oak trees can be befriended and will aid you against your enemies if they think your cause is just.  Birch woods are well known for providing doors in Faerie. Ash-trees will never cease to mourn until the Raven King comes home again."

[Though there were indeed spells that could move rain and sunshine about, like pieces on a chessboard, I would never employ them except in the direst need and I advise you to follow my example. English magic, had grown up upon English soil and had in a sense been nurtured by English rain. In meddling with English weather, we meddled with England, and in meddling with England we risked destroying the very foundations of English magic.]

"A magician might [kill a man by magic], but a gentleman never could."

(Quotes derived from the novel Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell written by Susanna Clarke)

The Red Book of Westmarch I

Favourite Excerpts from The Adventures of Tom Bombadil

A guest from the Mountains of the Moon coveted "Eating pearly cakes of light snow flakes and drinking thin moonshine".


Perry the Winkle has a fulsome tea with the Lonely Troll: pikelets, buttered toast, jam, cream, cake, tea, cramsome bread, bannocks.


Wouldn't it be nice to sleep on a "heather bed with pillows of owlets down"?

Only on Thursdays the Troll bakes his bread

And only for Perry the Winkle's spread.

Charmed Garden

The Laidley Worm of Spindleton Heuglis

Their spells were vain, the boys returned

To the Queen in sorrowful mood;

Crying that 'Witches have no power

Where there is Rowan-tree wood'.

The Famulus

Jonathan Strange and Sir Walter Pole 

Bedford Coffee House, Covent Garden

Late February-March 1816

Dinner order

A turtle

Three or four beefsteaks

Some gravy made with the fat of a green goose

Some lampreys

Escalloped oysters

Small salad of beetroot

* Information derived from Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell a novel by Susanna Clarke *

Prophecy of the False Magician

"Two magicians shall appear in England
The first shall fear me; the second shall long to behold me;
The first shall be governed by thieves and murderers; the second shall conspire at his own destruction;
The first shall bury his heart in a dark wood beneath the snow, yet still feel its ache;
The second shall see his dearest possession in his enemy's hand...

I sit upon a black throne in the shadows but they shall not see me.
The rain shall make a door for me and I shall pass through it; 
The stones shall make a throne for me and I shall sit upon it...

The nameless slave shall wear a silver crown,
The nameless slave shall be a king in strange country..."



* Information derived from the book Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell written by Susanna Clarke *

Summer Lovin' 2015

What I've been loving this summer:

Being by the water; going to the coast/harbour/beach. So far this year, I have visited Devon, Cornwall, Brighton, Cromer and Portsmouth.

Soak and Float Shampoo Bar from Lush. Great for dry scalp conditions. Smells like an autumn bonfire.


Arlesienne fragrance from L'Occitane. A bouquet of rose, sweet violet and saffron.


Rub Rub Rub shower scrub from Lush. Can also add volume to hair. Made with self preserving fine sea salt. Scented with mimosa, orange flower and jasmine.


Cherries. Big, juicy and delicious. Now I understand the meaning of eating in-season.


Shoes from Hotter. SO COMFORTABLE!

Salicylic Acid Anti Blemish facial scrub from Super Facialist by Una Brennan.

Smit's List

Messages from Madame Tulip
The sign of the sun
On Kalverstraat


Every woman is the architect of her own fortune.

I fight to emerge.

Things can change.

Nella: The turnip cannot thrive in the tulip's patch of soil.

Don't let sweet weapons stray.

A Dutch Miniature Meal

Dinner - Winter 1686 - Amsterdam

A sumptuous  feast; a spread of winter fare, spiced to the hilt with treats from the East.

Hosts

Marin Brandt, Petronella Brandt and Johannes Brandt

Guests

Agnes Meermans and Frans Meermans

Dinner prepared and served by
Cornelia and Otto

~ Menu ~

Rhenish

Pigeon with ginger sauce

Cabbage

Carrots

Plum pie with thick cream

Sugar loaf

* Post inspired by The miniaturist by Jessie Burton *

Moral Delirium Tremens

Bertie Wooster's evening dinner dress:

Two dinner jackets
Seven white waistcoats
Four dozen shirts
Two shallow shelves filled with white ties


Bertie Wooster's casual dress for congenial climatic conditions:

Heather-mixture suit
Brown lounge with the faint green twill
Dove coloured silk shirt
Light blue silk shirt
Mauve silk shirt
A dozen handkerchiefs
Tan socks
Blue with red domino pattern necktie


New York's places of interest in the evening:

Reigelheimer's
Frolics of the Roof
Midnight Revels




* Information derived from My Man Jeeves *

Violet Roofs and Lemon Lamps

To the Inventor of the Hansom Cab written by Daisy Daydream

Poet, whose cunning carved this amorous shell,
Where twain may dwell.

The Last Omnibus written by the author of Hymns on the Hill

The wind round the old street corner
Swung sudden and quick as a cab.

Lyrics about London derived from The Napoleon of Notting Hill by G. K. Chesterton

Turkey Curry Buffet

A quintessentially 1990s get together cannot be without the following:

~ Mini gherkins

~ Stuffed olives

~ Silverskin onions

~ Beetroot cubes


* Post inspired by Bridget Jones Diary *

Orange Parfait In Sugar Cages

Bridget's Proposed Birthday Supper Menu

Shepherds Pie

served with Chargrilled Belgian Endive Salad

Roquefort Lardons 

Frizzled Chorizo 

Followed by

Grand Marnier Souffles


What actually happened

Magda booked a table at 192

Bridget's Proposed Dinner Party Menu 
Inspired by Marco Pierre White

Veloute of Celery

Chargrilled Tuna
 on Veloute of Cherry Tomato Coulis 
with Confit of Garlic and Fondant Potatoes

Confit of Oranges
Grand Marnier Creme Anglaise


What Bridget actually served

Blue Soup

Omelette

Marmalade

* Details taken from Bridget Jones's Diary *

Attar of Roses...

Domestic Goblin's interpretation of certain perfume notes:

Frankincense and Myrrh - should only be given to baby Jesus

Iris root, Heliotrope and Almond - melancholy death combo

Grapefruit - sweaty armpits

Aniseed - good for dog-napping

Melon - over ripe fruit

Musk - 90's Body Shop 

Jasmine absolute - prostitute's knickers

BIG FUN

Tuneless Euro Fags

Heather Chandler: red.

Heather McNamara: yellow.

Heather Duke: green.

Veronica Sawyer: blue.

Croquet

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

Answers to Heather's lunchtime poll:

• I'd just slide that wad over to my father, ‘cause he is like one of the top brokers in the state.
• I'd give it all to the homeless. Every cent.
• I’d go to Egypt… with a girl.
• I’d use the money for an end-of-the-world get together.
• I'd pay Madonna a million bucks to have her sit on my face and have her ride it like the Kentucky Derby. She should pay me, though.
• That’s gotta be the most spooky-ass question I ever heard.
• All right, this is important. After taxes is just the beginning, and then there’s social security, legal fees...
• You go to the zoo and you get a lion. And then you put a remote control bomb up its butt and push the button on the bomb, and you and the lion die like one.
• What?
• Probably row out into the middle of the lake somewhere. Bring a bottle of tequila, my sax and some Bach.

Bulimia is so '87.

You're beautiful.

How very...

Big Gulp.

Corn nuts!

Arraigned but acquitted.

What's your damage?

Bringing Every State to a Higher State (Big Bud Dean Construction).

The extreme always seems to make an impression.

Spaghetti with lots of oregano.

Sit and spin.

Ich lüge bullets.

Homosexual artefacts planted at the scene: 

• Issue of Stud Puppy 
• Candy dish
• Joan Crawford postcard
• Mascara
• Mineral water

The Quarterback buggering the Linebacker.

Bullshit Principal Gowan has seen: angel dust, switch blades, sexually perverse photography exhibits involving tennis rackets.

JDs petition/mass suicide note:

We, the students of Westerburg High will die, today.

Our burning bodies will be the ultimate protest to a society that degrades us. Fuck you all!

 Final scenes

JD: Let's face it, the only place where different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.

JD: People are going to look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, now there is a school that self destructed not because society didn't care, but because the school was society!

Veronica: Do you know what I want, babe? Cool guys like you out of my life...

JD: Pretend I did blow up the school, all the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you going to do with your life? 

Veronica: Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town...

* Quotes/information taken from the film Heathers *

Teenage suicide; don't do it.

Stick 'Em Up!

Copacabana solid fragrance stick by Le Soft Perfume

Story: Princess of the Sea, crescent of golden sand, that transcends the music and the smell of flowers thrown into the sea...

Top Notes

Bergamot, Pink Peppercorn, Petit Grain

Heart Notes

Jasmine, Violet, Orange Blossom

Base Notes

Amber, Oakmoss, Patchouli, Musk

Discover, learn, adopt...

Little Pots of Goodness

Olay Total Effects 7 In One Eye Transforming Cream

Badger Balm for Hardworking Hands

Nuxe Reve de Miel (lip balm)

Loved By Lou Lesage (red tinted lip balm)

Mascara Madness

My search for an affordable Holy Grail mascara that is readily available in the UK continues...

~ Korres Volcanic Minerals Mascara
Love the strengthening and protective properties of this formula, however, the excess must be wiped off the wand before use, otherwise the effect is too intense and raccoony for my liking.  Verdict: okay.

~ SEVENTEEN Falsifeye HD Mascara
Holy high definition Batman!
Verdict: good - hope Boots 17 will create a waterproof version soon.

~ Eyeko Skinny Brush Mascara
This was a goodwill gesture from Eyeko due to a distribution error. I like the brush but the formula doesn't actually do much for my lashes which are already a decent length. 
Verdict: adequate.

~ Eyeko Sport Waterproof Mascara
Gave a nice smoky effect on my lashes. Great brush. 
Verdict: very good.

~ Maybelline Colossal Volume Express Waterproof Mascara
Not as waterproof as the other Maybelline mascaras but not bad nonetheless.
Verdict: adequate.

~ Max Factor 2000 Calorie Waterproof Mascara
Gave me fluttery lashes and held my curl but very messy to use. 
Verdict: good.

~ Maybelline Great Lash Waterproof Mascara
A very basic waterproof mascara. Gave a natural look but did not hold my curl.
Verdict: okay.

~ 100% Pure Fruit Pigmented Mascara
Gave natural looking fanned-out matte lashes. Smells like a fruit cocktail. Not waterproof.
Verdict: quite good.

~ ARTDECO All In One Waterproof Mascara
Gave length, no volume. Lashes felt noticeably stiffer after application.
Verdict: adequate.

~ Max Factor False Lash Effect Waterproof Mascara
Dark glossy formula. Gave very long lashes but absolutely no volume. Definitely waterproof.
Verdict: good.


~ Bobbi Brown No Smudge Mascara
Gave a clean application. Definitely smudge-proof and waterproof. Would have liked more fullness and softness in my lashes.
Verdict: very good.

Toffee Eaters

Pretentious topics of conversation during social occasions involving Rah Rahs and Hooray Henrys


~ Do you think the novel is exhausted as an art form?

~ How do you feel about the situation in Chechnya? Isn't it terrible about Chechnya?

~ How semi-autobiographical is your work?

Tolkien Phonetic Alphabet

A = Arwen
B = Boromir
C = Celeborn
D = Dagorlad
E = Elf
F = Fangorn
G = Gollum
H = Hobbit
I = Isengard
J = Jetsam
K = Khazad-dun
L = Lembas
M = Mordor
N = Nazgul
O = Osgiliath
P = Pippin
Q = Quenya
R = Rohan
S = Sting
T = Treebeard
U = Ungoliant
V = Valar
W = Warg
X =
Y = Yrch
Z = Zirakilzig



* For entertainment purposes only *

Banbury Intricate Craft Circle Politely Requests Women's Suffrage

Vision statement: Hoping to spread our suffrage message across the social divide and swell our ranks.

Noble proletariat.

To fill the bellies of the already full with fayre toiled for by the great unfed! 

Capitalist model.

Das Kapital.

Dr Hamm's Invigorator: a fizzy tea prescribed for sluggishness.

Ingredients include: baking soda, sugar, cocaine. 

May cause excitement, hysteria, increased confidence and delusions of power.

Manny's Little Book of Calm

Manny Bianco quotes fictional calming advice to passersby:


~ Let go once in a while. You are a loose lily floating down an amber river.

~ When in a tight spot try to imagine yourself marooned on a beautiful desert island.

~ Add a drop of lavender to your bath and soon soak yourself calm.

~ If you want to feel calm, eat more raw fruit and vegetables, yoghurt, milk and seeds.

~ When you rest you are a king surveying your estate. Look at the woodland, peacocks, be king of your own calm kingdom.

~ When you're feeling under pressure do something different. Roll up your sleeves or eat an orange.

~ Look for things to make you laugh, If you see nothing worth laughing at pretend you do, then laugh.

~ Have you ever seen a calm person with a loud voice? Try and speak softly once in a while.

~ Add some lavender to milk. Leave town with an orange. Pretend you're laughing at it.



* Excerpts taken from the first episode of Black Books *

S1:E1

Ip Dip Dog Shit

Pito pito gorgorito

dónde vas tú tan bonito,

a la era

verdadera

pin, pon, fuera!

(Said in the tempo of eenie meenie minie moe)

My First Purchase from Bloom Perfumery, London

Perle de Mousse 

Eau de Parfum 

by Ann Gerard

Top Notes

 Aldehydes, Pink Pepper

Bergamot, Green Mandarin

Galbanum Resin, Ivy

Heart Notes

Lilly of the Valley

Hawthorn, Bulgarian Rose, Clove

Jasmine, Gardenia

Base Notes

Lentiscus Absolute

Ambergris, Musk

Hint of Vanilla

Domestic Goblin's comments:

Delicate and beautiful

* Thank you to Victoria from Boisdejasmin.com for her recommendation *

Tri-lingual Middle Earth

Common tongue: Rivendell. Elvish: Imladris. 

Common tongue: Helms Deep. Elvish: Aglarond.

Common tongue: The Black Pit/Dwarrowdelf. Elvish: Moria. Dwarvish: Khazad-dum.

Common tongue: Mirrormere. Dwarvish: Kheled-zaram.

Common tongue: Dreamflower/Goldenwood. Elvish: Lothlorien.

Common tongue: The Lonely Mountain. Elvish: Erebor.

Common tongue: Lake Town. Elvish: Esgaroth.

Common tongue: Gandalf/Incanus. Elvish: Mithrandir/Olorin. Dwarvish: Tharkun.

Common Tongue: Aragorn/Strider (ranger). Elvish: Elessar (elfstone) / Estel (Hope).

Common tongue: Tom Bombadil/Orald. Elvish: Iarwain/Ben-adar. Dwarvish: Forn.

Civilisation vs Syphilisation

Quotes regarding outward bodily propriety:


~ Do not slurp with your mouth when eating from a spoon. This is a bestial habit.


~ It is against propriety to hold the fork or spoon with with the whole hand, like a stick.

~ You break bread, you do not cut it.

~ It is impolite to greet someone who is urinating or defacating.

~ Nor is it seemly, after wiping your nose, to spread out your handkerchief and peer into it as if pearls and rubies might have fallen out of your head.


Quotes taken from Norbert Elias.

Flat White

Patrick BATEMAN: Bone, Silian Rail lettering.

David VAN PATTEN: Egg Shell, Romalian type.

Timothy PRICE: Pale Nimbus White, raised lettering.

Scott MONTGOMERY: Off-white colouring, tasteful thickness.




* Information derived from the book: American Psycho written by Bret Easton Ellis *

Over The Hill, Across The Water...

Dwalin, Balin, Fili, Kili, Ori, Dori, Nori, Oin Gloin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Thorin - at your service!

Selling buttons at the door.

Engagement tablet.

Where the sun sails and the moon walks.

But fairest of all was the great white gem: the Arkenstone of Thrain.
~ Like a globe with a thousand facets;
~ It shone like silver in the firelight, like water in the sun, like snow under the stars, like rain upon the moon.

Battle of the five armies:
Goblins & Wild Wolves versus Elves, Men & Dwarves

Your lullaby would waken a drunken goblin!
Your snores would waken a stone dragon!



* Excerpts from The Hobbit written by J.R.R. Tolkien *

Maths, Science, History

The notion of romantic love: an unnecessary cultural construct that has no value to human relationships. (Amy Farrah Fowler).

Take away those pillows. I shall need them no more. (Lewis Carroll).

Having now finished the work assigned me, I retire from the great theatre of Action; and bidding an Affectionate farewell to this August body under whose orders I have so long acted, I here offer my Commission, and take my leave of all the employments of public life. (George Washington).

I don't want to be attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis. (Sheldon Cooper).

Proxima Centauri's the nearest star. 
The celestial bodies that follow are:

Alpha Centauri A, 
Toli, 
Barnard's Star, 
Wolf 359, 
Lalande 21185, 
Sirius A, 
Sirius B, 
BL Ceti, 
UV Ceti, 
Ross 154, 
Ross 248, 
Epsilon Eridani, 
Lac 9352, 
Ross 128, 
EZ Aquarii A, 
EZ Aquarii B, 
EZ Aquarii C, 
Procyon A... 
Those are the stars that are nearest to me, 
Tra-la-la and fiddle-dee-dee!