Monday 1 January 2024

The House of No Imagination

Monica inherits her aunt Slyvia's dollhouse and invites Phoebe to play. The following evening, Phoebe is ready to play and brings:

An enormous ceramic dog
Phoebe: Every house should have a dog.
Monica: Not one that can pee on the roof!
Phoebe: Maybe it's so big because the house was built on radioactive waste.

Ghost for the attic
Monica: I don't want a ghost.
Phoebe: Well, nobody wants a ghost but you got one because the house is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground.

Dinosaur
Phoebe: Quick, dinosaur attack! Quick, everyone into the house!
Monica: No dinosaurs, no ghosts and no giant dogs okay? They're not the right size, they're not Victorian and they just don't go.
Phoebe: Come dinosaur, we're not welcome in the house of no imagination.



===


Phoebe creates her own dollhouse and it has:

~ A slide instead of stairs
~ A licorice room where you can eat all the furniture
~ When guests come over, they can stay on the tootsie roll-away bed
~ An aroma room

Ross: This is the coolest house ever!

In addition, Phoebe's dollhouse lights up and blows bubbles.

Chandler: Hey, my father's house does that.

Residents of the dollhouse:
~ Giraffe
~ Pirate
~ Foster puppets




===


Information derived from FRIENDS S3:E20.


Come On!

Domestic Goblin's favourite episodes of Somebody Feed Phil:

Season One

~ Bangkok
The Venice of the East. 

Khlong Lat Mayom Floating Market: grilled bananas on a stick, pad thai and boat noodles.

Land market desserts: khanom tua pap (sticky rice flour crepe cooked on a griddle and filled with shrimp, coconut, mung bean and sesame), and coconut ice-cream sundae with your choice of toppings.

The Authors' Lounge: Marco Polo tea served with a selection of savouries and pastries.

Err cafe owned by Bo and Dylan: an idealised take on street food and cocktails. Their signature cocktail the Err contains fresh passion fruit, Thai rum and a little chili. GM Tini contains Thai basil, popcorn spirit with their delicious spicy popcorn on top. Chicken Movie. Salted Mackerel and Rice Ball.

Yaowarat Road, Chinatown: duck noodle soup and durian.

Wat Po (religious shrine): the Reclining Buddha.

Jay Fai in the Ghost Gate District: crab omelette and Tom Yum Kha soup.

Khlong Toei Market: food shopping.

Issaya Siamese Club owned by Ian Kittichai: Broken Bucket dessert.

Golden Mount at Wat Saket.

25-course tasting menu prepared by Gaggan Anand. A futuristic take on street food. Vegetable charcoal; mushroom rolls with green peas; tuna sushi; uni, mango and wasabi ice-cream sundae; orange and corn waffle; fresh strawberry on top of elderflower jelly and ghevar.

Chiang Mai
The Rose of the North: Wat Suan Dok (Buddhist Temple); Khao Soi Loong Prakid Gard Gorm (Khao soi is soup noodle with a creamy rich coconut curry broth).
 

~ Saigon
Phở Bò Phú Gia: the best pho bo in Saigon?

Thuc Pham Duc Viet: a cart selling the best bahn mi in Saigon?

Cậu Ba Quán owned by Nikki Tran.
Vietnamese meets Cajun: Five Colour Beef Salad or Happy Salad as Phil calls it and Vajun crawfish boil using river prawns.

Quy's Lotus Farm and Pond on Thanh Da Island.

Vỹ Dạ Quán on Võ Văn Tần Road: pork ribs and Ca Bo (grilled unicorn leather jacket fish).

Mrs Lien's District 3 restaurant: Bò Lá Lốt (grilled beef wrapped in Betel leaf).

Tao Dan Park.

Maison Marou owned by French expats Vincent Mourou and Sam Maruta: legendary hot chocolate using Vietnamese cacao shaken, not stirred.

Hoang Minh: breakfast of pork skin, pork belly, pork cake and pork chop served on a bed of broken rice with a fried egg on top.


~ New Orleans
Bevi Seafood served by chef Justin LeBlanc: Cochon de Lait Po Boy; the Peacemaker Po Boy (half roast beef, half shrimp, Swiss cheese, roast beef debris); and Crawfish Boil.

Monday evening dinner / non-Kosher Passover hosted by Alon and his wife Emily at their residence in Bayou St Johns: a treif festival of grilled shrimp; marinated cheese; matzah; gefilte fish stuffed with trout and Emily's red beans and rice.

Cochon Butcher specialises in Cajun style cured meat and sausage run by Steven Strejewski and Donald Link: Cracklin and Steen's Syrup; hog head cheese; blood sausage; Cajun boudin; pralines (with bacon as special ingredient).

Turkey and the Wolf: It's Got Electrolytes cocktail; Ma'am Don't Be Hysterical cocktail (Campari, gin, house blackberry syrup and lime); Tacos Inauthenticos; vegetarian Reuben sandwich made with collard greens; soft serve ice cream with cheese straws and sprinkles.

Roots of Music started by Derrick Taab based in Treme (a non-profit that teachea inner city kids how to play musical instruments. The arts is the answer.

Shaya (an Israeli restaurant named after Alon Shaya): pita bread made in an Italian pizza oven; Ljutenica (a Bulgarian spread made with roasted peppers, aubergine and tomato with parsley and extra virgin olive oil on top);  Taramasalata made with paddlefish caviar; Tabbouleh; Baba Ghanoush with grilled spring onions; hummus; short ribs; chocolate babka served with halva gelato and poppy seeds. 

Dooky Chase's Restaurant (known as the meeting place in the 1960sbfor discussing issues of civil and economic rights in the African-American community in New Orleans and throughout the country: Leah Chase's gumbo. 

Willie Mae's: golden fried chicken served with red beans, green beans and sweet potatoe fries.

Mosca's Restaurant (Alon's favourite Italian restaurant in New Orleans): chicken a la grande; Oysters Mosca served on top of nspaghetti borderlaise; meatballs; shrimp Mosca.

Camellia Grill: bacon and cheese omelette; chefs omlette and cheeseburger with everything. Eggs are blender whipped.

Nikki and Annie from Ho Chi Minh City get married in New Orleans.

"Eh, la-bas bruh"


Season Two

~ New York
Peter Luger Steak House (established in 1887): bacon and cheeseburgers made with steak trimmings; lamb chops; steak; hash browns; french fries; ice cream sundae, cheesecake, chocolate mousse cake and hot pecan pie all served with mountains of schlag (whipped cream).

Pizza crawl
  • Phil tried white pie at Totonno's on Coney Island. Totonno's was opened by Anthony Pero in 1924 and is now run by his granddaughters, Antoinette and Cookie. 
  • Phil tried a basic pie with fresh cut basil on top handmade by Dom DeMarc, the founder of Di Fara Pizza in Midwood, Brooklyn. 
  • Phil tried pepperoni pizza handmade by Dan Richer, the owner of Razza in New Jersey. Phil also tried their seasonal pie: New Jersey corn, shaved onions, fresh mozzarella and scamorza cheese. Phil and his companions were also served pork pie made with pork gelatin.

Pilot: a seasonal oyster bar on board a boat docked at Pier 6 in Brooklyn Bridge Park.

Fort Tryon Park and Central Park.

White Gold Butcher Shop: bacon, egg and cheese sandwich; beef pastrami Reuben with a house made kraut and house made thousand island; homemade hotdog with kimchi sauerkraut; roast beef with beef butter; the chopped cheese (like a chopped cheeseburger).

Zabar's deli.

JJ Johnson at Chef's Club (pan African cuisine, home style comfort food served in a hip downtown setting): goat noodles (West African peanut sauce, braised goat, bok choy and edamame beans); jollof rice (spicy rice with a stewed aubergine curry);  braised short ribs and peanut sauce with rice, beans and roti.

The community canteen at Ganesh Temple in Flushing Queens which specialises in dosas (south Indian vegetarian pancakes made of fermented rice and lentils stuffed or served with dips and sauces.

Nathan's Famous hot dogs and crinkle cut fries on Coney Island.

Ice and Vice ice-cream (the Domestic Goblin wrote a separate blog post for this and was published in May 2023.

Russ & Daughters Cafe (Jewish Soul Food): chocolate egg cream contains Fox’s U-bet, milk and  seltzer (despite its name this drink contains no egg and no cream); potato latkes served with smoked salmon; herring.

Picnic in Central Park: Charles Pan Fried Chicken; giant hero sandwiches from Faicco's, Katz's and Harry & Iders; Dan Dan Noodles from Han Dynasty; cake made by  Paulette Goto.

Blue Hill restaurant owned by Dan Barber at Stone Barns in Hudson Valley; vegetable sushi; beet hotdogs; mushroom and poached eggs cooked in compost; fish head; duck breast; honey nut squash; roasted gruyère oyster with aubergine broth.

Four star matzo ball soup made by Phil's mum, Helen Rosenthal.



Season Three

~ Chicago
Al's Beef: plain Italian beef sandwich.

Jim's Original: the Polish dog butterflied and deep-fried and the deep fried pork chop sandwich.

Bang Bang Pies managed by Ben Shartar (Phil's cousin) and owned by Michael Ciapciak: candied bacon; grits; BLT biscuit; scratch biscuit; peach pie with a cornmeal crumble of malted milk chocolate with whipped cream; pistachio with blueberry compote; peanut butter custard with raspberry preserves and toasted Virginia peanuts.

Pequod's deep dish pizza: Phil tried the extra cheese, pepperoni and garlic as well as the extra cheese, garlic, mushroom and onion.

The Urban Growers Collective started by Erika Allen: the Fresh Moves Mobile Market.

Monteverde co-owned by Sarah Grueneberg and Meg Sahs: pork and ricotta ravioli made at the pastificio;  tigelle sandwiches; the holiday dish consisting of homemade pasta and sauce, pork meatballs made with sobrassada, a pork shank, pork sausages, and some green salad.

Shawn Michelle's Homemade Ice-cream opened by Yahya and Nataki Muhammed: chocolate bourbon java explosion; vanilla ice cream with peach cobbler.

Virtue owned by Erick Williams who is also the executive chef serving up a northern take on southern cuisine: salmon succotash and corn puree; 

Ebenezer Missionary Baptist Church: the birthplace of gospel music in America. The current venue in Bronzeville was formerly the Isaiah Temple.


~ London
Dark Chocolate Coated Chocolate Pearl from Fortnam & Mason.

Ken's Fish Bar on Half Moon Lane in Herne Hill: the best fish and chips according to Jay Rayner.

Rovi, a vegetable-focused restaurant owned by Yotam Ottolenghi. The signature dish is a shawarma sandwich made with celeriac. According to Phil, it's "a veggie sandwich that tastes better than most burgers I've ever had."

Artichoke fruit store in Hampstead.

Les Filles cafe: rose tea porridge; beet hummus with pomegranate; frozen chia pudding with chocolate ganache.

Ginger and White: some of the best espresso in London according to David and Steven Flynn.

Borough Market (London's oldest fruit and veg market). Stalls that Phil and co visited: include: Maria's Market Cafe and Kappacasein

Rochelle Canteen: scrambled eggs on toast; chicken and leek pie; pork with fennel.

Dukes Bar: the world's best martini prepared by Alessandro.

BRAT Restaurant: bread with anchovies; langoustines; whole wild turbot.

Aynhoe Park Estate in Northhamptonshire is a 17th century home currently owned by James Perkins and Sophie Taylor. Aynhoe Park is a medieval term for 'spring on the hill'. Lunch was cooked by chef Brett Graham: 14 year old oysters grilled with smoked butter and topped with grilled oil; a rack of fallow deer slowly roasted over the wood.

Dishoom (modern Indian food): naan bread breakfast roll with bacon and egg; lamb chops; chilli chicken; okra fries; pav bhaji; Awadhi lamb biryani; gunpowder potatoes.



~ Seoul
Mabongnim at Sindang-dong Ttoekbokki Town.

Gwangjang Market: bindaetteeok (mung bean pancake); kimchi with Mrs Kim; kalguksu (handcut noodles); san-nakji (baby octopus tentacles).

Samcheongdong Kalguksu Jukkumi: budae jjigae (Korean army stew); kimchi dumplings; spicy squid; clam kalguksu; walnut soup.

Noryangjin Fish Market: after choosing your seafood, there is the option having it cooked and served to you at a partner restaurant upstairs for an extra fee. 

Neungra Bapsang specialises in North Korean cuisine such as soondae (blood sausage) and potato dumplings filled with vegetables and pork.

Jungsik is a two Michelin starred restaurant serving new Korean fine dining. Their tasting menu includes: egg, mushroom stock and truffle sauce; flounder tartare with a lemon sauce and trout roe; deep fried oyster with a sesame aioli and pickled celery inside; uni; charcoal lobster with clam butter sauce.

Korean Airlines catering facility: galbi-jjim (braised beef short ribs); bibimbap (mixed rice).

Chimaek (Korean fried chicken and beer) at Ddobagi Chicken. Flavours include: basic, sweet and spicy.

BBQ at Chung-mi-shim.



Season Four

~ Singapore
No littering. No spitting. No walking nude around your house. No bothering people with your musical instruments. Chewing gum is not allowed in the country. Don't pee in an elevator. 

Tiong Bahru Hawker Market: duck rice; sugarcane juice over ice; watercake (steamed rice cakes with preserved radish on top) eaten with toothpicks.

Candlenut, the first Peranakan restaurant to have a Michelin star.

Long Bar at Raffles Hotel where the Singapore Sling cocktail was created.

Burnt Ends, an Australian BBQ restaurant that specialises in small bites and a Japanese influence / barbeque omakase: smoked quail egg and caviar; burnt flour crostini and taramasalata; beef marmalade and house pickles; beef, uni and caviar; eel and bone marrow; an accordion of pork; king crab, garlic butter and truffle; steak aged for 78 days; pulled pork sandwich.

Maxwell Hawker Center: chicken rice.

Changi Village: nasi lemak (rice cooked in coconut milk, salt and pandan leaf served with various fried options and a chili paste on the side). Normally eaten for breakfast.

Artichoke is owned by Bjorn Shen and specialises in middle eastern food through the lens of a Singaporean boy.


Singapore in December - wet and delicious!

 

~ The Mississippi Delta

The Mississippi Delta technically starts in the lobby of the Peabody Hotel in Memphis, Tennessee and goes all the way down to Vicksburg, Mississippi.

Cosy Corner Restaurant run by Desiree Robinson.

Talbert Fleming is the chef and owner of Jim & Samella's House (which was named after his grandparents) serving southern classics such as fried chicken; Crown Royal buttered apple waffles; shrimp & grits; and fried lobster tails. The local residents sit and dine at communal tables.  
The ideal vision of what southern hospitality is.

Abe's in Clarksdale was started by a Lebanese immigrant in 1924 and serves southern barbeque. You'll die pleasant.

The Delta Arts Alliance is a community centre where you can dance, sing and create art.

The Delta Meat Market opened by Cole Ellis in 2013: the wedge salad; butternut squash soup; turkey sandwich; hanger steak fries; Hoover sauce. 
Open a mouth first and the mind will follow.

At Jim's Cafe in Greenville,  you will find the Table of Knowledge. Friends who eat lunch together every day. Dirty Burger created by Jerred 'Dirty' Brown. Jerred insists his nickname was from high school football.

Dominic 'Big Doe' Signa started Doe's Eat Place in 1941. Aunt Flo's famous wet salad; tamales; broiled shrimp, garlic bread; fried shrimp; steak and fries.

The Highland Club: fried catfish; rotisserie chicken and cabbage salad; crowder peas and chow chow; potato salad, alligator.
Music provided by Ferd, Raymond and Valley.

It's never a disaster if you're eating with a master.



~ Hawaii

Ahi Assassins provides only Hawaiian wild line caught fish from fisherman to consumer. 

Hanks Haute Dogs: Kobe; wagyu beef; bacon wrapped; deep fried; Polish;

Uncle Clay's House of Pure Aloha serves all natural Hawaiian shave ice.

GJs Huli Huli Chicken run by Gil and Jonalyn and their son Irwin: pork ribs; chicken with sweet chili sauce; deep fried banana.

The Feeding Leaf is run by Tracey and serves okazu (Japanese hand food): chicken skin masubu (fried chicken skin on top of rice that's been mixed with plum powder); seaweed and sesame seed waffles with fried chicken dipped in a Korean sauce with a chili pepper honey syrup on top; nishime (Japanese pot stew); two finger uala kala poi (mashed up sweet potato and taro). Hawaiian for wet nap: lick it!

Kahua Ranch and sheep farm / Merrimans. Food roasted on a Schwenker: corn on the cob; lamb chop.



Season Five

~ Helsinki

Muikku should be the national fish of Finland!

At the Old Market Hall, Phil tries dipping cheese into coffee; smoked salmon; cold smoked reindeer; cold smoked reindeer mousse; dried bear.

Löyly, a restaurant and sauna owned by Jasper Pääkkönen: rainbow trout soup and reindeer filet.

It's not a real visit to Finland unless you do a sauna and then jump into the Baltic sea!

Sauna Boat: sauna sausage; sauna snacks such as hard core egg salad made with butter instead of mayonnaise.

Kot pop-up truck created by Kim Mikkola during the 2020 lockdown offering a $5 chicken burger in a steamed potato bun with naughty sauce. Kim also created Koti which delivers $5 meals to people's homes such as Steak Wallenberg which is made out of like with breadcrumbs and fried.

Foraging with Sami Tallberg in the woods and they find garlic mustard; mushrooms such as Russula and pied-de-mouton. Sami prepares a seven-mushroom soup (which includes a splash of chaga and reishi for it's medicinal benefits) and sprinkled with wild sorrel and cacao nibs.

Tommi Tuominen is the chef at Finnjävel (Finnish Devil - a derogatory term from the Swedes). Tommi serves up: pea soup made with smoked pork, mustard cream, bechamel and ham sauce; celeriac served with some pickled lingonberry and some butter; plus a very different version of one of the most hated dishes in Finnish school lunches - Tilliliha (dill meat).

Helena Puolakka is the current Chef at the Savoy serving Finnish-French food with subtle Russian touches. Helena serves an elegant version of vorschmack (chopped herring and braised beef) in a pelmeni.

B-Smokery is co-owned by Karri Niinivaara and offers Phil some savoury treats: funky pickles; barbequed ribs and brisket; pastrami, mustard and pickle sandwiches.

Kippis!



Season Six

~ Croatia

Split

St Burek: Phil tries burek (fillings wrapped in filo pastry) in cheese & spinach and also meat. These are served warm.

Kantun Paulina serves cevapi (a Bosnian beef sausage sandwich with sauce and vegetables). The oldest burger is a cevapi.

Lemon lavender gelato at Gelateria Emiliana.


Hvar

Dalmatian delicacies/antipasti at Konoba Menego.

Gelato at aROMA Gelato Boutique. Phil tried hazelnut with lemon basil, and chocolate orange with rum raisin.


Korcula

Konoba Maha is a family run restaurant serving fig old-fashioned cocktails; freshly caught sea urchins; octopus slow-cooked under an iron bell.

Konoba Mate is another family run restaurant located in the hills and serves figs and ham; pasticada (a traditional meal of hand rolled macaroni with wild fennel and tomato sauce); goats cheese ravioli.

Ziveli!


Dubrovnik

Octopus burger at Barba.

Gverovic Orsan is a family run restaurant and serves oysters, scorpianfish, black risotto.


===


Bonus mention

~ Season One: Lisbon

Cervejaria Ramiro - a casual restaurant with amazing food. 

Lisbon food journalist, Miguel Pires, says this is his most favourite seafood place in Portugal/the world that he knows.

They serve a celebration of seafood such as six kinds of shrimp (including Carabinero) steamed or boiled and eaten with salt.

"It's like God made seafood soup."

Dessert is a steak sandwich served with mustard and piri piri sauce.



~ Season Four: San Francisco

The Paris of the Pacific.
Tomatoes in your face; vegetables can be rock stars.
Napa Valley wine region: America's Tuscany.
Cal Red peach: a heritage superstar.


===


Apparently, Phil fasts during Yom Kippur even though he is not religious. 

“I do it because it ties me to my roots, to my parents, their parents and beyond. I feel it in a spiritual way, not a religious way, if that make sense? I see it as good for the soul."

“I am culturally and traditionally Jewish, but not religious. I am proud of Jews for their many contributions, their culture, their philosophy and their values. I love the people, and I love that humor is a value.”


===

Are My Eggs Fluffy?

Jokes told by Max Rosenthal:

Season One

Saigon: 
There was a woman that said she was here from the Orient. And she's Jewish and they call her an Orienta.


Tel Aviv: 
Did I tell you the story of the Western Wall? This guard was seeing this man, he comes every day to pray, and he walks over to him and he said:
"Mister I see you every day, what are you praying for?" 
"I pray for health, I pray for karnosa (that means I want to make a lot of money) and I pray for peace."
He said, "That's great, does it help?"
He said, "It's like talking to a wall."


New Orleans: 
Everybody's getting married all of a sudden [...] it's a good institution but who wants to live in an institution?



Season Two

Venice: 
Have you heard about the street walker in Venice? She drowned.



Season Three

Chicago: 
My jokes are old jokes. I don't change jokes, I change friends. Whilst imitating a dial phone: "Hello, Dr Schwartz? This is Mrs Shapiro, I was there this morning for my check up? Could you look around and see if my panties are hiding some place? I left my panties at your place, take a look please. Oh, you didn't find it? I must have left them by the dentist."


Seoul: 
Mr Cohen goes to the doctor and he says:
"I feel very weak and helpless. There's no energy, there's no sex life. It's terrible, what shall I do?"
The doctor says: 
"Do you exercise, do you walk a little? Ibtell you what you do, you start walking every day for a block, two blocks. Before you know it, you're walking a quarter of a mile, half a mile. Call me back in about four months or five months and let me know how things go."
So he calls him back. 
"Hi, Mr Cohen how are you? Are you walking?"
"Oh boy, am I walking. It's really great."
"And has your sex life improved?"
"I don't know, I'm 30 miles from home."



Season Four

Rio de Janeiro: 
The beach joke - this mother with her child, they're playing on the beach. All of a sudden a big wave came and swept the child off the beach. The mother got hysterical, she was praying to God. She says: "God, please. It's my only son! I'll pray every day, please get him back to me."
A few minutes later, the wave came and the kid comes back. The mother was so happy.
"Thank you God. Thank you so much. Whatever I promised, I'll keep. By the way, one more thing, he had a hat!"


San Francisco: 
An old man was in a cab and there was a big accident and he was thrown out of the cab and he landed on the sidewalk. Some good Samaritan came over and took off his jacket, put it under his head and said to him: 
"Are you comfortable?"
He said: "Eh, I make a living."


Singapore: 
I think Bruce Springsteen went there and they named the city after him. Sing-a-poor. A poor singer.

Mr and Mrs Goldberg went to the doctor. Mrs Goldberg said, "Would you examine my husband?"
The doctor examines the husband and says: 
"Your husband has a problem with sex. He says "the first time, it's good but the second time, I start perspiring and I sweat and I am completely soaked after the ordeal." 
The doctor said, "Could you explain it to me?"
She said, "Yes, the first time is in November and the second time is July."


The Mississippi Delta:
Max uses the word 'cultivate' in a sentence: Yesterday I was waiting for a bus but it was too cultivate so I took the subway.

Max uses the word 'escort' in a sentence: I had to jump over the fence but I didn't make it and got my escort.


Hawaii:
There were two couples. The men sit in the living room. The two women sit in the kitchen. They're talking. 
Harry said to John: "John, we went to this restaurant today and the food was delicious."
J: "Yeah? What was the name of the restaurant?"
H: "The name of the restaurant? I forgot already."
J: "You were just there this afternoon, how can you forget the restaurant?"
H: "Wait, wait. What's that flower called? It's red, it smells good and it has thorns on it."
J: "You mean a rose?"
H: Yeah! That's it! Hey Rose, what was the name of the restaurant?"



Season Five

Oaxaca:
A joke for grandpa Max by Ben Rosenthal.
There's a guy named David and he's in a bit of a financial pickle and he doesn't know what to do. So he goes to the temple and he prays, and he says "God, please, if I could just win the lottery that would fix everything."
And so he goes home and he turns in the TV to see the winning numbers and it goes and he doesn't win and he doesn't know what happened. He goes back to the temple and he says "God, I told you I really needed this. This would have fixed everything. What did I do wrong?"
And then the skies open, God comes down and he speaks to David and he says "David, please, meet me halfway. You gotta buy a lottery ticket!"


Maine:
A joke for Max by Judy Gold.
A German guy, a Frenchman and a Jew get lost in the desert. They're stuck in the desert for days. Finally the Red Cross finds them and picks them up.
The German guy says "Ugh, I am so tired and I'm so thirsty, I need a beer."
The Frenchman says " Ugh, I am so tired and I am so thirsty, I need some wine!"
And the Jew says "Ugh, I'm so tired and I'm so thirsty, I have diabetes!"


Helsinki:
A joke for Max by Brad Garrett.
These three Jewish women are sitting on a bench in a park and they're all talking about how they have the best son. 
The first Jewish lady says "My son is the best! I get flowers on every Sabbath!"
The second lady says "Well I have to tell you, my son is the best because he calls me three times a week."
The third Jewish mother says "Well I have to tell you, my son is the best. He goes to therapy five days a week and all he talks about is me!"


Portland:
A joke for Max by Paul Reiser.
An older gentleman has a heart attack and goes into the hospital. He is there for a re weeks. He's fully recuperated. He gets home and he can't be more than thrilled to be home. He sees his beautiful wife and he's been feeling a little lonely. He looks at his wife amourously and gives her a little raised eyebrow. She stopped him, she goes "Don't even think about it. We're not gonna do anything like that. You're sick. You're a sick person. You just got out of the hospital."
He says "I'm fine. I can do -
She says "Get me a note from your doctor and then we will talk."
He goes back to the doctor and explains the situation.
Doctor says "I'll be happy to help." He takes out a piece of paper and pen and he writes "Dear Mrs Levine, as your husband's primary physician I can assure you he is fully recuperated. His heart is in great shape. He can pursue any physical activities or affairs of the heart, he should do choose. Not only that, but with the new medication that we have him on, he has the strength, the stamina and the vigour of a man half his age. How's that?"
The guy says "Doc, do me a favour. Cross out where it says 'Mrs Levine' and put in 'To whom it may concern.'


Madrid:
A joke for Max by Larry Gilmore.
A guy is playing golf with his wife on this really rustic course, it's just beautiful. Rolling hills, green grass, very pastoral, that type of thing. At one of the holes, he hits the ball to the right of this barn, an old rustic barn. He and his wife go over there and he sees the ball and goes "Know what honey? I'm just gonna lick the ball up, drop it on the other side of the barn, well take a one stroke penalty."
She goes "Honey, what if you just open the barn doors and just hit the ball through? You're a good golfer, you could do that and not take a penalty stroke."
He goes "Hmm, that's a pretty good idea. So he lines the ball up, opens the door, lines the ball up, hits the ball. Unfortunately, he mishits a little bit, ricochets off one wall, ricochets off another wall, hits an old tractor, hits his wife in the head, knocks he out, she's dead.
One year later, he's playing on the exact same course with a friend of his now. Haven't played in a whole year. He's actually starting to enjoy himself again, he's having fun. Then he comes to that same hole and he hits the ball almost in the exact same position. He runs over there, his friend is with him. He just says "You know what, I'm just gonna pick the ball up, take an unplayable lie and drop it on the other side."
His friend says "Hey, why don't you just open the barn doors, hit it right through there. You're a good golfer, you don't have to take the penalty."
He goes "No, I did that last year, I made it six on this hole."



Season Six

Philadelphia:
A joke for Max by Raymond Romano.
Mr Greenberg wakes up in the emergency room and the doctor tells him "Mr Greenberg, you had a car accident. The good news is, you're fine. The bad news is, w wouldn't save your 'privates'. But, ther eis some more good news, we can reconstruct. We understand you are going to receive $9000 from the insurance company which will come in handy cos it's $1000 an inch to reconstruct. You may want to spend the whole nine, that's probably a conversation you should have with your wife, maybe. There's no rush. On the other hand you may want to spend $4000 or $5000, that's another conversation. Go home, talk it over. Come back when you're ready. He leaves and a week later, he comes back into the doctor's office. The doctor says "Mr Greenberg good to see you. Did you talk it over with your wife?"
He says "I did."
The doctor says "And what did you decide?"
He says "We're getting granite countertops."



Croatia:
A joke for Max by Gilbert Gottfried.
A little comes home from school and he says "Mom! Mom! I got a part in a school play!"
The mother says "What part do you play?"
He says "I play a Jewish husband."
And the mother says: "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking role!"



Austin:
A joke for Max by Paul Reubens.
How do you keep a bagel from getting away? You put lox on it!

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar together. 
"Get out of here!" shouts the bartender.
"We don't serve your type."

A bear walks into a bar and says "Give me a whiskey and.........cola."
"Why the big pause?" said the bartender.
"I was born with those."



Santiago:
A joke for Max by Pam Adlon.
The waiter comes over to a table of Jewish mothers and he says "Just checking on you ladies, is ANYthing all right?"



Nashville:
A joke for Max by Kevin Nealon.
This guy was walking down the strip at Las Vegas and another man approached him who looked quite desperate and frenetic. 
He says "Excuse me sir, please can I borrow some money? My wife has to get into hospital for emegenecy surgery and I don't have enough to get her in there. Would you please help me, I'm desperate."
He said "You know, I would, but how do I know if I give you that money, youre just gonna spend it on gambling?"
The guy looks at him and says "Oh, I got gambling money."



"I'm listening to the opera" - (Helen Rosenthal).