Season 8
Amsterdam
A joke for Max by Andy Kindler:
There's this Jewish lady, her husband died, so she wants to put an announcement in the paper.
So she calls up the paper and she says "How much does it cost to put an announcement in?"
And the guy says "Five dollars a word."
She goes " Oh very, very expensive. That's crazy. Okay put this in: Saul died.
And the person goes "I'm sorry ma'am there's a five word minimum."
"Okay put this in: Saul died. Volvo for sale.
Basque Country
A joke for Max by Will Forte:
I love Dolly Parton. So if I ever got to meet Dolly Parton, I'd have so many questions for her. But after really thinking about it I think I know how I would start the conversation. "Hello Dolly!"
I love Dublin. But there's one place that I like just slightly more...Triplin.
I love Tucson but there's a place I like slightly more...Threescon.
No matter how fast you are going in an airport, you're always going this speed...terminal velocity.
Boston
A joke for Max by Jane Fonda:
A lady's husband died. They've been married about 30 years and the pallbearers are brining out his casket to the church and they accidentally bump the casket into the back row of pews and there's a noise inside the casket. And sure enough the husband is alive. It's a miracle. So he and his wife love together another ten years. Finally he passes away and the pallbearers are brining the casket back into the church. And the wife says "Be careful this time."
My wife yelled upstairs yesterday and asked me "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body? You know, like somebody's got a voodoo doll and they're stabbing it?". And I said "No". And she responds "How about now?"
Tbilisi
A joke for Max by Bonnie Hunt:
In Dubai, they love American television. But the only show they don't like is The Flintstones.Why?
I don't know. But the people in Abu-Dhabi-do!
When I worked in a psychiatric office for a while, we had a lady walk in one day, no appointment, which they couldn't stand. They didn't like to have walk-ins, they didn't want people coming without an appointment. I go to the psychiatrist, "Theres a woman here with no appointment." He said, "What's the issue?" I said, "She thinks she's invisible." He said, "Tell her I can't see her now."
Sydney and Adelaide
A joke for Max by Mel Brooks:
A guy walks into a grocery store and says "Give me half a pound of lox, half a pound of cream cheese, half a dozen bagels..." He stops and says "I'm sorry I don't mean to pry but I'm looking at your shelves and all I see are red boxes of salt. You must have a hundred boxes of salt. And every shelf is cluttered with boxes of salt. Maybe a hundred boxes. Do you sell aot of salt?"
And the guy says "Me? If I sell a box a week, it will be a miracle. I don't sell a lot of salt. No, I don't sell a lot of salt. But the guy who sold me salt, boy can he sell salt!
Las Vegas
A joke for Max by Ray Romano and Brad Garrett:
A man walked into a bookstore. He says to the woman behind the counter, "I'm looking for a new book. It's about small genitalia but I forgot the name of it."
She goes, "Let me look" and she opens up the laptop. She goes, "I don't think it's in yet."
He goes, "That's it!"
Manila
A joke for Max by Ike Barinholtz:
My rabbi is a great rabbi but is very strictly strictly to the letter of the law kosher. But his deep dark secret was that he dreamed of eating pork. But he never had the chance to have it his whole life.
It was all day haunting him. "What does it taste like. I need to know."
One day he just kind of broke down and he said, "I'm gonna go have some pork."
He went to Chinatown and goes inside a restaurant and he walks in with a hat and glasses.
He sits down and orders a suckling pig.Then he takes the hat and glasses off and a little bit later they bring the pig out. It's got a big apple in its mouth, it's sitting there on the spit.
He's holding his knife and fork and licking his lips.
He goes in and takes a slice of it and as he looks out the window he sees three other members of his congregation walking by and they stop and they freeze and they see him. And he looks at them and he goes, "This restaurant's horrible. I ordered an apple and this is how they served it!"
Guatemala
A joke for Max by Jimmy O. Yang:
An Asian guy and a Jewish guy are eating at a restaurant. The Asian guy orders a miso soup and the Jewish guy is like, "Oh, that's great. Is this what you ate growing up?"
The Asian guys says, "No, I'm Chinese. Miso soup is actually Japanese. And the Jewish guy is like, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, you're all the same!" And the Chinese guy didn't say anything.
Then the Jewish guy orders a wedge salad. And the Chinese guy is like, "Oh, is that what you ate growing up?" The Jewish guy was like, "No, this is just iceberg lettuce."
The Chinese guy was like, "Yeah, iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg. You guys are all the same!"
