Domestic Goblin's Rules for Food

Hamburgers

~ The bun needs to be substantial enough to hold everything together and not fall apart in your hands. Good choices are English muffins and toasted brioche buns. Bad choices are pitta bread, ordinary sliced bread. 

~ The actual burger (or patty) needs to be made of good quality ingredients. For example, beef burgers need decent beef mince with a good firm texture (not soft and mushy). Do not add chopped onions or anything else to the burger mix as this will fall out when cooking!

~ The surface area of the bun and the actual burger needs to compliment each other. A burger that is a lot smaller than the bun ruins everything.

~ Fillings to the burger not only needs to be delicious, it needs to be eater friendly. Items that jizz out or slip out when you take a bite takes the whole fun out of trying to take a bite of everything in one go. Known offenders include: fried eggs, pineapple, tomatoes, coleslaw.

~ No hard and fast rules regarding condiments - just add whatever you like. My preferences are mayonnaise, salad cream or BBQ sauce depending on the type of burger.

~ If you are putting pickles as a filling to the burger, make sure they are sliced. If pickles are to be an accompaniment then leave them whole.

~ My preferred accompaniments to hamburgers are courgette fries or sweet potato fries. 
No onion rings please.


Lobster

~ I appreciate that everybody's preferences are different, however, in my humble opinion there is only one way to cook a lobster that will do justice to their flavour and grandeur and that is to STEAM IT WHOLE.

~ I do NOT subscribe to the faff of lobster thermidor.

~ Ideal size of the lobster would be 1.5 pounds. Anything bigger than 2 pounds, the meat might be too old and chewy.

~ Ideal lobster cracking implements would include: scissors, nutcracker and a thin metal pick.

~ I like to eat as I go along. Start with the tail, split it down the middle and open outwards. Then the fiddly legs to get them out of the way. Make your way up the body and the head, I tend to leave the claws until last as the shell is thicker and keeps the meat warm for longer.

NOT TO BE EATEN IN POLITE COMPANY...


Rice and pasta proportions

Regardless of what you are serving with the rice or pasta; bolognese, chili con carne, curry... the ratio of rice/pasta to sauce should be 3:1. This ensures enough rice or pasta to absorb the deliciousness of the main meal and not be overwhelmed with too much sauce and nothing left to eat it with.