Domestic Goblin's Rules for Food

Hamburgers

~ The bun needs to be substantial enough to hold everything together and not fall apart in your hands. Good choices are English muffins and toasted brioche buns. Bad choices are pitta bread, ordinary sliced bread. 

~ The actual burger (or patty) needs to be made of good quality ingredients. For example, beef burgers need decent beef mince with a good firm texture (not soft and mushy). Do not add chopped onions or anything else to the burger mix as this will fall out when cooking!

~ The surface area of the bun and the actual burger needs to compliment each other. A burger that is a lot smaller than the bun ruins everything.

~ Fillings to the burger not only needs to be delicious, it needs to be eater friendly. Items that jizz out or slip out when you take a bite takes the whole fun out of trying to take a bite of everything in one go. Known offenders include: fried eggs, pineapple, tomatoes, coleslaw.

~ No hard and fast rules regarding condiments - just add whatever you like. My preferences are mayonnaise, salad cream or BBQ sauce depending on the type of burger.

~ If you are putting pickles as a filling to the burger, make sure they are sliced. If pickles are to be an accompaniment then leave them whole.

~ My preferred accompaniments to hamburgers are courgette fries or sweet potato fries. 
No onion rings please.


Lobster

~ I appreciate that everybody's preferences are different, however, in my humble opinion there is only one way to cook a lobster that will do justice to their flavour and grandeur and that is to STEAM IT WHOLE.

~ I do NOT subscribe to the faff of lobster thermidor.

~ Ideal size of the lobster would be 1.5 pounds. Anything bigger than 2 pounds, the meat might be too old and chewy.

~ Ideal lobster cracking implements would include: scissors, nutcracker and a thin metal pick.

~ I like to eat as I go along. Start with the tail, split it down the middle and open outwards. Then the fiddly legs to get them out of the way. Make your way up the body and the head, I tend to leave the claws until last as the shell is thicker and keeps the meat warm for longer.

NOT TO BE EATEN IN POLITE COMPANY...


Rice and pasta proportions

Regardless of what you are serving with the rice or pasta; bolognese, chili con carne, curry... the ratio of rice/pasta to sauce should be 3:1. This ensures enough rice or pasta to absorb the deliciousness of the main meal and not be overwhelmed with too much sauce and nothing left to eat it with.

Bonne Nuit Bay

Charlie's Luncheon order:

Medium-sized hen lobster split and broiled with butter 
Three potato croquettes 
Salad made with the hearts of two lettuces
Served with Gewurtztraminer


Jock's Luncheon in the Kitchen:

Pork chops
Fried peas
Mashed potatoes
Croque Monsieur
Served with Mr Teacher's 



Post inspired by the book 'Something Nasty In The Woodshed' written by Kyril Bonfigliolo

Jock's Salvation Special

Dexedrin dissolved in gin and tonic
Add a spoonful of Mr Andrew's noted Liver Salts
Two effervescing Vitamin C tablets 
Two effervescing Alka-Seltzer tablets

Karli Van Cleef's first supper at the White Hart

The table was adorned with beautifully dressed dishes of:

Shrimps
Lobsters
Broiled bones
A cold knuckle of veal
An aitch-bone of beef
Fried ham
A few grouses
And some poached eggs


Information derived from All The Tea in China

My Little Box 2015

February:

Being unafraid of not being liked is the best way to be liked.

March:

Make yourself epic.

April:

Everything starts with a dream.

May:

A nap in the sun

the smell of lavender

you can see the sea

shall we have a barbecue?

spending a night under the stars

nibbling on calissons

choosing a dress at the market

Welcome to Provence

June: 

Let's sail away

Intellectual Honourableness

Sandcastles in the wind

Pointless repinings

Crystals are singing
Ferns unscrolling

Old, carboniferous
Newborn, fragrant, verdant

Dark as an armpit

Crepuscular essence
Foggy aureole

The eleventh dimension

The fumed oak sideboard

The scent of crushed leaves luxurious after the dank

An interval of blankness
The wall of dead screens

Pocket fluff

Smells like fake lemons


Offshore towers overflowing with birds
Predawn light is a feathery grey

Zero Hour.

Poem inspired by 'Oryx and Crake' written by Margaret Atwood