These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty

Real products/places mentioned on Seinfeld

~ Astronaut pen

~ Drakes Coffee Cake

~ Snapple

~ Pez Dispenser

~ Clark Bar

~ Yoo-hoo

~ Chunky bars

~ Jujyfruits

~ Junior Mint: Who's going to turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, its peppermint. It's delicious!

~ Bosco (chocolate syrup)

~ Today Sponge (birth control)

~ Hunan 5th Avenue (Chinese restaurant)

~ Mendy's (kosher delicatessen)

~ The Original Soup Man

~ La Boîte en Bois (French restaurant)

Kramer's ideas/creations

~ A pizza place where you make your own pie

~ Fusilli Jerry and Macaroni Midler

~ The Beach Cologne

A cologne that smells like you just came home from the beach.

Dead fish and seaweed.

~ The Coffee Table Book about Coffee Tables 

Contains the history of coffee tables; pictures of celebrities and their coffee tables. The book also has a pair of foldable wooden legs so that it could itself be turned into a coffee table.

George Costanza's alias

~ Art Vandelay: an architect at Vandelay Industries/importer-exporter.

Fictional items/places mentioned on Seinfeld

~ Monk's Cafe (exterior filmed using Tom's Restaurant)

~ Rochelle, Rochelle

~ Papaya King hot dogs (filmed at Gray's Papaya)

~ Gyros at Queensborough Plaza

~ Machinaw Peaches 

Peaches from Oregon that are only ripe for two weeks a year. 

It's like having a circus in your mouth!

A miracle of nature that exists for a brief period. It's like the aurora aborealis.

~ Marble rye bread from Schnizter's Bakery  (filmed at Royale Kosher Bake Shop)

~ Beef-a-Reeno

I'm so Keen-O

On Beef-a-Reeno

Oh what a delicious Cuisine-O

Fit for a King and Queen-O!

~ Karl Farbman furniture

The Soup Nazi's strict ordering procedure

As you walk in the place, move immediately to your right.

Hold out your money, speak your soup in a loud clear voice.

Step to the left and receive soup.

Keep the line moving.

Don't embellish on your order. 

No extraneous comments, no questions, no compliments.

If you don't order correctly, he yells and you don't get your soup.

Encounters with J. Peterman and his catalog

~Elaine Benes Jacket 

Very soft. Huge button flaps; cargo pockets; drawstring waist and deep by-swing cents in the back. Perfect for jumping into a dumper.

~ Italian Capto Oxfords from J. Peterman

Sophisticated yet different without making a huge fuss about it.

Rich, dark-brown calfskin leather; matching linen vamp.

Men's whole and half sizes; 7 through 13.

Price: $135.

~ Elaine Benes shirt

Innocent-looking shirt has something which isn't innocent at all: touch-ability.

Heavy, silky Italian cotton; a fine, almost terry cloth-like feeling.

Five button placket; relaxed fit; innocence and mayhem at once.

~ Classic Horseman's Duster

Beige corduroy collar; 100% cotton canvas; high waist.

Nine pockets, six on the outside.

Great for running alongside a train; waving last goodbyes; posing on a veranda.

Mens sizes: small, medium, large...

~  Pamplona Beret was discovered at the Guangia River Market.

Sizes seven and a half through eight and three quarters.

Price: $35.

~ Discovered an unusual corduroy in Burma

~ The Rogue's Wallet

It's where he kept his card, his dirty little secret.

Kramer recites poetry to Pam

It's human to be moved by a fragrance.

Her bouquet cleaved his hardened shell,

And fondled his muscled heart.

He imbibed her glistening spell,

Just before the other shoe fell.

Written by an unknown 20th century poet, Newman.

Books that Kramer reads

~ Astonishing Tales of the Sea

~ Astounding Bear Attacks

* Comedy mostly from: Apartment 5A, 129 West 81st Street, New York *

The Kramer painted by Nina West

“I sense great vulnerability; a man-child crying out for love; an innocent orphan in the post-modern world.”

“I see a parasite... a sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges.”

“His struggle is man’s struggle. He lifts my spirit.”

“He is a loathsome, offensive brute; yet I can’t look away.”

“He transcends time and space.”

“He sickens me.”

“I love it.”

“Me too.”

* Seinfeld S3:E20 *

Jennie's Monologue...

From the screenplay 'Chapter Two' written by Neil Simon...

"I know I’m not as smart as you. Maybe I can’t analyze and theorize and speculate on why we behave as we do and react as we do and suffer guilt and love and hate. 

You read all those books, not me… But there’s one thing I do know. I know how I feel. I know I can stand here watching you try to destroy everything I’ve ever wanted in my life, wanting to smash your face with my fists because you won’t even make the slightest effort to opt for happiness – and still know that I love you. 

That’s always so clear to me. It’s the one place I get all my strength from… You mean so much to me that I am willing to take all your abuse and insults and insensitivity – because that’s what you need to do to prove I’m not going to leave you. 

I can’t promise I’m not going to die, George, that’s asking too much. But if you want to test me, go ahead and test me. 

You want to leave, leave! But I’m not the one who’s going to walk away. I don’t know if I can take it forever, but I can take it for a night and I can take it next week. Next month I may be a little shaky… 

But I’ll tell you something, George. No matter what you say about me, I feel so good about myself – better than I felt when I ran from Cleveland and was frightened to death of New York. Better than I felt when Gus was coming home at two o’clock in the morning just to change his clothes. Better than I felt when I thought there was no one in the world out there for me, and better than I felt the night before we got married and I thought that I wasn’t good enough for you… 

Well I am! I’m wonderful! I’m nuts about me! And if you’re stupid enough to throw someone sensational like me aside, then you don’t deserve as good as you’ve got! 

I’m sick and tired of running from places and people and relationships… And don’t tell me what I want because I’ll tell you what I want. I want a home and I want a family – and I want a career too. And I want a dog and I want a cat and I want three goldfish. I want everything! 

There’s no harm in wanting it, George, because there’s not a chance in hell we’re going to get it all anyway. But if you don’t want it, you’ve got even less chance than that… 

Everyone’s out there looking for easy answers. And if you don’t find it at home, hop into another bed and maybe you’ll come up lucky. Maybe! You’d be just as surprised as me at some of the “maybe’s” I’ve seen out there lately. 

Well none of that for me. George…You want me, then fight for me, because I’m fighting like hell for you. I think we’re both worth it. I will admit, however, that I do have one fault. One glaring, major, monumental fault.. Sometimes I don’t know when to stop talking. For that I’m sorry, George, and I apologize. I am now through!"

* An extract of this monologue was first heard by the Domestic Goblin on Seinfeld S3:E20 *