The Fellside

The pizza is as pizza always is. Cheese on toast in a good suit. 

(When Rebecca asked her uncle Eddie "How's your pizza?")

She wasn't being gratuitously offensive. She really does just think you're a prick.

(Nicola talking to her boss Dr Graves)

Paul's gastro pub tasting menu:

Herbed baked fish

Lamb stew

Venison suasages

Vegetarian option

All locally sourced.

Just think about it until you decide I'm right.

(Maurice said to Eddie)

You're gonna have to ring the supplier about these leaves. I've seen more life in a Pharaoh's dick.

(Chef Gary said to Paul)

Have you any idea what temperature Eddie's keeping this Indian pale ale? One degree either way and it tastes like Tonto's head band.

(Maurice asks Paul)

I love the way you say 'modern' like other people say 'sewage'.

(Eddie talking to Maurice)

Paul's finger food preview:

Cod brandade with squid ink crackers and a pine nut and cucumber granitas

You got anything thats actually looked over a fence?

(Maurice turning his nose up at the finger food)

This tastes better than Blondie's bath water.

(Maurice referring to Eddie's pale ale)

The last thing we need is a posse of well-meaning mint cakers arse deep in snow.

Don't think that finding Joe makes you a good person. It just makes you a twat who did a good thing.

(Paul talking to Luke)

What baby Emily eats on a Wednesday:

Pasta with tomato sauce

Banana for afters

The song that Joe heard on the radio:

Getaway by Blossoms

Are you hoping to get by on lipgloss and charisma like me?

(Tom talking to Rebecca)

Artisan pork roulade = sausage roll.

(Maurice)

Underneath that gruff, tactless exterior is a gruff tactless interior trying to get out. And underneath that is a big soft bastard who wants to fix everyone and everything.

(Eddie referring to his dad Maurice)

I didn't come for elderflower juice.

(Rebecca said to her mum Alison)

Bar snack menu:

Nachos

Thai fishcakes

Veggie kebab

Beer battered calamari 

Any quieter and they'd be on the vegan menu.

(Paul referring to how quiet Josh and Ralph are during the stag do)

Mark and Joe' plan for when they visit Farm Park:

Goats 

Crisps 

Pigs

Donkeys 

Ice lolly

Donkeys

Drink

Chickens

Lentil crisps are like a puritan quaver.

(Paul talking about how moreish lentil crisps are)

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Amusing quotes from the Netflix TV series: The A Word