Crash Course in the Great American Song Book with Titus Andromedon

Just Go On

(from 'Gangly Orphan Jeff' the ill-fated musical that opened six days after Annie)

Oh, the sun will rise in the morning

Or so I’m told, but who knows?
You could win a million bucks in the morning and then get rolled
By a mob of stinkin’ hobos
Good news
You can’t lose
When you tell Mr. Blues that you choose to keep going
We’ll never stop
We’ll keep on moving forward
Even if we don’t know what we’re moving toward

They say life’s too short, but they’re wrong
It’s so long
Sometimes the only way to go
Is to just go on.

Keep a smile in your pocket when the wolf is rat-a-tattin’ at the door
Just lock it tight
Keep a dream in your heart and you’ll never ever want for more
Unless you’re in a knife fight
Chin high, spit in the eye
Of the folks who can’t stop laughing at the stupid things you’ve done
Don’t ever stop
Even though your heart is breaking
Don’t look over your shoulder at the love you left behind

They say life’s too short, but they’re wrong
It’s so long
Sometimes the only way to go
Is to just go on. 

~ A Glorious Morning (a now-banned classic from the black version of Oklahoma called Alabama)

Oh what a glorious morning

Oh, all the joy it will bring

If I don't mind never voting

Or my church burning down while I sing 

Oh the cropper and the Klansman should be friends

Run run!

~ Feels Like Love (from the Helen Keller-inspired-but-unauthorised musical)

In the game of hide and seek

I'm the first one to be found

But when it comes to love

I have to feel my way around

Does he even see me?

Is he screaming my name?

Is this him or a mop

Or a chair or a cop?

Sad to say, but to me

Feels the same...

You're My Baby Now (one of the great love songs of all time from Daddy's Boy: an innocent musical about a father's love for his infant son)

Baby I get lost

In your big blue eyes

Can't help dreaming of you

And those alabaster thighs

Though you love to tease 

And give your daddy sass

How I love my baby's naughty little personality

You're my baby now

How I love to hug and hold you

You're my baby now

For when daddy's arm enfold you

And I rocks bye my baby 

In your warm and woolly nightie

Baby always has a big surprise for daddy

In his didy

You're my baby now

When you're squirming in my lap-y

Such a big boy, wow

You make daddy very happy

Brains and muscles, man you've got 'em

You're the tops and I'm the bottom

I'm a lucky daddy

Cause you're my baby now

But you'll grow up

And you'll be gone

Then I'll sing a different song

You're not my baby now.

A song written by a composer who was beaten up in jail

Whomp goes the billy club

Whomp goes the billy club

Splorch goes the Irishman's skull

We Three Marionettes of 1971

This is just an ordinary day

I'm just an ordinary gay

Which is why I'm talking to you in an ordinary way

I am dancing away from you

I am prancing away from you

Stephen Sondheim's Pinocchio

You do not define me, Richard

I cannot be owned

And if I had my way, Richard

I would die alone

Eaten by birds

Digested by birds

What out by birds

Alone

(Sung to the tune of O Come All Ye Faithful)

We had our Fake Christmas

At first it seemed so stupid

Then Titus learned a lesson

And had the groups only adventure

Hey, where is Mimi?

I bet she is dead by now

Come on. let's order pizza

Come on, let's order pizza

I'd also go for Mexican

I'm out of cash

Jingle for Trident Gum Titus made up

Trident Gum is the chewiest gum

Give it to your friends and chew it with your teeth

Your teeth are bones that live on the outside

They hang from your lips like bats

Oh, outside bones, outside bones

Never forget that teeth are outside bones

They're bones that you wash and when you're a kid

They fall from your head

And to make things less weird we say they got stolen

By a demon that your parents know

Trident.

Boobs In California

An original song written by Gordy

Performed by Titus Andromedon

Lovin' California

Living left coast time
I don't need to warn ya
The babes out here are so fine
Shirts off. Shades on
State Champs on the stereo
Rocking with the top down
It's hella rad now here we go!

I love boobs in California
Sand in California
Boobs in California
And my 'stang in California
I love dogs in California
Heights in California
But the boobs in California are the greatest boobs around
Whoa oh
Whoa oh

Daisy Dukes so high
The pockets are a peekin'
Every day in Cali-land
Is a weekend

I love boobs in California
Sun in California
Ska in California
And my bro in California
I love bikes in California
Workin' out in California
But the boobs in California
Are the greatest boobs around
Whoa oh
Whoa oh
The greatest boobs around
Whoa oh
Whoa oh
The greatest boobs are in California

Performed during episode 3:4 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Click here to watch the music video.

Little Girl, Big City

Sometimes it feels like the world is so wide

And you don't get a second look

But you're not alone, you're just on your own two feet
And it's yours to took

Little girl, big city
This is the show now
Little girl, big apple
It's a fruit that's bigger than people

It's a fruit that's bigger than us
Change into pumps at work
Now you're laughing at salads



Click here to watch the music video.

As featured on episode 4:1 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Lotions and Unguents

Skin care products that saved Domestic Goblin's overwashed hands; neglected feet; or maskne irritations in 2020 and 2021:

~ ACWELL No 5.5 Licorice pH Balancing Toner

To help fade away hyper-pigmentation and uneven skin tone.

(This has replaced DG's previous favourite products: La Roche Posay Effaclar Duo+ and various acid peel pads).

~ La Roche Posay Lipikar Baume AP +M

Soothing balm for extra dry, cracked or irritated skin.

~ Cicaplast Baume B5 

Portable tube for protecting the damaged skin barrier.

Yola Mezcal Blackberry Smash

🎵 Note to self
Don't be gay in Indiana
Big heads up:
That's a really stupid plan

There are places where it's in to be out
Maybe San Francisco or thereabout
But in Indiana without a doubt
If you're not straight
Then guess what's bound to hit the fan?

Just breathe, Emma
Not everyone is that repressed
Just breathe, Emma
It wouldn't be high school without a test

Just close your eyes
And count to ten
Go to your happy place and then
Try not to combust
Just breathe 🎵

~ Barry: I'm as gay as a bucket of wigs.

~ Dee Dee: We are not monsters, we are cultural disrupters.

~ Angie: Zazz is style plus confidence.

* Information taken from the 2020 musical film 'The Prom' *

Collinsport, Maine

Barnabas Collins

~ Barnabas was born in Liverpool. He describes Liverpool as filthy. The air is choked with soot, and the streets reek of freshly hurled chamber pots. The smell of urine permeates the air.

~ Barnarbas spent the last two centuries locked in a box; staring into the all consuming void - the dark shadows of one's soul. He was awakened by a yellow dragon with iron teeth. Confronted by giant large letter 'M' with the luminance of a thousand lanterns.

Collinswood 

Established in 1760 by Barnabas Collins and his family.

Have you ever seen such majesty?

~ The perfect marriage of European elegance and American enterprise.

~ Nine of the finest craftsman the world will ever know lost digit, limb and life in the process of carving these glorious pillars.

~ The opulence and complexity of this magnificent chandelier should only be found in the palaces of nobility.

~ The fireplace sculpted entirely of the most exquisite carrara marble from Firenze, Italia. Each joint containing a single pearl. 

~ Barnarbas' father had quite a flair for secret passages and rooms. Family is the only real wealth though clearly he was not opposed to other kinds.

=====

~ You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly.

* Quotes and descriptions taken from the film Dark Shadows starring Johnny Depp et al *