Ideal Home Fittings

Domestic Goblin's Ideal Front Door

~ Heavy wooden Georgian front door - blue or green or dark wood.

~ Five lever mortice deadlock with lower second lock and pewter iron internal door chain.

~ Baldwin door knocker (brass or satin nickel)

~ Centre door knob (brass or satin nickel)

~ Viewing hole
~ Letter plate (brass or satin nickel)

Domestic Goblin's Ideal Back Door

~ Heavy wooden cottage stable door - same colour as front door.

~ Five lever mortice deadlock with black cast iron internal door bolts top and bottom.

Domestic Goblin's Ideal Window

~ Double glazed wooden casement windows.

~ Plantation shutters (internal)

Domestic Goblin's Ideal Bathroom

~ Alcove bath tub with shower/rinse and shower curtain or separate walk in shower unit with dual head and glass brick partition

~ Shower niche for easy reach of bath/shower/hair products

~ Toilet with oak wood toilet seat

~ Bathroom vinyl wall tiles in white or duck egg blue or vinyl wallpaper similar effect as Bridget Jones' bathroom wall

~ Vinyl floor tiles, dark grey limestone effect

~ Taps: bronze or pewter

~ Japanese style or farm house style slide door

~ Stainless steel towel rail



Domestic Goblin's Ideal Kitchen

~ Belfast/farm house sink

~Matte white or matte cream cupboards with beige wooden heatproof counter tops

~ Kitchen vinyl wall tiles: pale blue/duck egg blue or teal

~ Electric ceramic hob 4

~ Electric double oven

~ Washing machine

~ Full size fridge freezer: Freezer on top 1/3, fridge bottom 2/3

~ Extractor fan

~ Vinyl floor tiles, dark grey limestone effect

~ Taps: bronze or pewter

~ Japanese style or farm house slide door



Domestic Goblin's Ideal Living Room

~ Fabric sofa

~ Accent wall: Finches Option 10 by Sanderson or Nureyev Navarre - Dark Chocolate by Zoffany or de Gournay

~ Grand fireplace with mantelpiece 

~ Walnut coffee table made by Blue Island Home

~ Scandi sideboard made by Blue Island Home

~ Grayson retro flip clock/banking hall clock - white

~ Vinyl flooring - dark oak effect

~ Baby grand piano

Domestic Goblin's Ideal Dining Room

~ Dark wood farmhouse style dining table

~ Large Savonnerie style rug underneath the dining table

~ High backed dining chairs with cushioned seats

~ Grand fireplace with mantelpiece 

~ Vinyl flooring - dark oak effect

Domestic Goblin's Ideal Bedroom

~ Chinoiserie or de Gournay wallpaper

~ Grey twist carpet

~ Double divan bed with headboard and king size duvet

~ Free standing chest of drawers in walnut

~ French country art deco armoire or a walk-in wardrobe

Detailing

~ Crown moulding on ceilings

~ Cast iron or Georgian style door handles for interior doors

Ming Dynasty Embroidery

17th century Ming dynasty artist, Lady Han Ximeng, created embroidered copies of eight Masterpiece paintings from the Song and Yuan dynasties using the Gu family embroidery technique/medium.

  On the left hand side of each folio, the influential Ming connoisseur and painting master, Dong Qichang (1555-1636) inscribes a colophon in ink.  Dong Qichang was the artistic mentor of Gu Shouqian (the grandson of the establisher of Gu family embroidery and the husband of Lady Han Ximeng).

1) Washing a Horse

The polychrome embroidery is based on the painting by the Yuan master, Zhao Mengfu (1254-1322). On the right hand page of the folio, the picture is embroidered and painted on a white silk ground. In a pond under a willow tree, a groom is carefully washing his beloved dappled-grey with a brush. Plump and sturdy, the horse lifts its front leg and whinnies, seemingly excited by the bath.  

 
  It is a vivid embroidered interpretation of Zhao Mengfu's painting. Stitches imitate the brush style of black dots on the white horse. Overlapping stitches, the signature stitch type of the Gu family, are used to present the horse's body.   

  
  

2) Auspicious Deer

Along a riverbank, a sika is strolling under a fully-blooming sweet-scented osmanthus tree. Although in the design, only the tree root and part of a blossoming branch is shown, the correlation makes viewers feel the whole tree. 

The sika has a dark brown mantle with white spots and black antlers. His shining eyes suggest a vibrant and alert animal. The "batched stitch" (tao zhen) is employed to present the sika's dense fur. Blue colours outline the lake rock in the river and accentuate the numinous atmosphere of the design. 

The other rock protruding from the bank, which is darker in colour, is both embroidered and painted. 

3) Patching a Surcoat or Patching Dragon-patterned Garment

The portrait-like picture depicts a dainty lady seated on a round stool, patching a dragon-patterned garment. She is dressed traditionally: her orange blouse crosses in the front over which a long white skirt with blue flower patterns is tied; a trailing blue sash floats down to the floor. Her jade-like wrist and light fingers suggest her dexterity in doing needlework.  

 
  The artist used threads of contrasting colours to place attention on the lady. The stitches, elaborate and complicated, vary in order to create different visual effects in the details. 

4) The Quail

A plump quail is looking for food on the hillside where red-fruit plants grow. 

Feather stitches (shimao zhen) vividly present the varied quality of the soft feathers on the bird's back, chest, and stomach, making one want to reach out to touch them. The feet are rendered with pin stitches (ding zhen), which precisely interpret the joints of the claw. The coloration of the whole design is based on the quail's brown feathers, with touches of green leaves and red fruit as highlights for balance. 

Although basing the design of the embroidery on an existing painting, Lady Han Ximeng exercised her extraordinary understanding of the quail in terms of its appearance and colours, which contributes to both verisimilitude and artistry. 

5) Landscape Painting by the Mi family

Mi Fu (1052-1107) and his son Mi Youren (1074-1151) were renowned landscape painting masters of the Song dynasty (960-1279). Their works are characterized by monochrome ink dots and ink wash. 

In creating the dreamy and misty atmosphere, Lady Han Ximeng reduced the density of needlework and applied more ink wash to capture the essence of the moment when "night rain has let up and the dawn mist is about to clear". 

On the left hand side of the folio, the influential Ming dynasty connoisseur and painting master, Dong Qichang (1555-1636) inscribed the following: 

"Passionate brush of Nangong: 

Miraculous needles came during the night; 

A joint picture in needlework and ink: 

Remote mountains and deep clouds; 

He who steps into this ordinary yet hushed scene, 

Whether wandering or standing still, will hear a long whistling."  

6) Squirrel and Grapes

From the lower left corner, two curly coarse vines twisting together grow from a hillside. A fluffy squirrel is climbing up to reach the bunch of grapes dangling from the top of the vine. The creative design presents a transient view in autumn. The little squirrel, with his bright and piercing eyes, clings to the vine and stretches for the fruit. 

The design reveals that Lady Han Ximeng has a detailed observation of life and consummate skill in embroidery. Tiny, thin stitches accumulate for the squirrel's bushy tail. The grapes are romantically interpreted in blue. Threads of dark and pale blue, grey, and white are sewn together to indicate the different degrees of ripeness. The holes made by worms and the withered yellow edges on one of the leaves augment the verisimilitude. 

The artwork has bright and contrasting colours, giving the viewer a strong impression at first glance. 

7) Hyacinth Beans and Dragonflies

Two dragonflies are fluttering above a hyacinth bean plant. 

Although the design is simple, the vibrancy of the dragonflies and the stillness of the plant complement each other well in presenting harmonious natural scenery. The embroidery combines a variety of stitch types. 

To create the gradual change of colours, the blossoms of the bean are embroidered with "batched stitch" (tao zhen). Outlined with "rolling stitch" (gun zhen), the  hyacinth beans have plump seeds inside. The plumpness is made possible by an embroidery technique that pads the designated patterns with soft material before they are decorated with embroidery. 

The wings of the dragonflies are rendered with "ice-crackle stitch"(bingwen zhen), which precisely suggests the gauze-like thinness of the wings. 

8) Recluse Fishing on Flower Brook

This embroidery is named after a painting of the same title by Wang Meng (1308-1385), the accomplished painter of the Yuan dynasty (1272-1368). The painting now is in the permanent collection of the National Palace Museum in Taibei. 

Other than copying the original painting, Lady Han grasped the essence of it and then presented a quiet river scene with her miraculous needles. Short, continuous mountains suggest the distance from beyond the river. In the middle, a hermit fisherman fishes from a boat that is small compared to the wide expanse of the river-a large blank space without a stitch to indicate water. In the foreground, the riverbank is elaborately treated with embroidery. Trees are rendered with stitches in imitation of ink dots, hooks, and wash after the brush style of Wang Meng. 

The embroidery combines needlework with polychrome paint. However, thin threads would never replace the writing brush. Due to the limitations of this different art form, it can hardly be expected to present the full effect of ink splash and ink wash when portraying luxuriant forests and spectacular mountain ranges.

* All information and images derived from the website of The Palace Museum in Beijing and Google Arts and Culture *

Magic Medicine

Here is what George used to concoct a new magic medicine for his horrid Grandma:

~ Golden Gloss Hair Shampoo

To wash her tummy nice and clean.

~ Toothpaste

To brighten up those horrid brown teeth of hers.

~ Superfoam Shaving Soap

~ Vitamin Enriched Face Cream

~ Scarlet Nail Varnish

To paint her teeth as red as rose

~ Hair Remover

~ Dishworth's Famous Dandruff Cure

~ Brillident for Cleaning False Teeth

~ Nevermore Ponking Deodorant Spray

To keep away unpleasant body smells for a whole day.

~ Liquid Paraffin

~ Helga's Hairset

~ Flowers of Turnips

Perfume that smells of old cheese.

~ Powder in Pink Plaster

~ Lipsticks

~ Superwhite for Automatic Washing-Machines

Dirt will disappear like magic.

~ Waxwell Floor Polish

  Removes filth and foul messes from your floor and leaves everything shiny bright.

~ Flea Powder for Dogs

If eaten, will make the dog explode.

~ Canary Seed

Perhaps it will make the old bird sing.

~ Brown Shoe Polish

Dark tan.

~ Gin

~ A Tin of Curry Powder

~ A Tin of Mustard Powder

~ A Bottle of Extra Hot Chilli Sauce

~ A Tin of Black Peppercorns

~ A Bottle of Horseradish Sauce

~ Orange Coloured Powder 

For chickens with foul pest; hen gripe; sore beaks; gammy legs; cockerlitis; egg trouble; broodiness or loss of feathers.

~ Purple Pills for Horses 

For the hoarse throated horse.

~ Yellowish Liquid for Cows, Bulls and Bullocks

Will cure cow pox; cow mange; crumpled horns; bad breath; earache; toothache; headache; hoofache; tailache and sore udders.

~ Red Liquid, Sheepdip

For sheep with sheeprot and for getting rid of ticks and fleas.

~ Pale Green Pills for Pigs

For pigs with pork prickles; tender trotters; bristle blight and swine sickness.

~ Engine Oil

To keep Granma's engine going smoothly.

~ Anti-freeze

To keep her radiator from freezing up in winter.

~ Grease

To grease her creaking joints.

~ Dark Brown Gloss Paint

To give the mixture a lovely rich creamy brown colour.

* Information derived from Georges Marvellous Medicine written by Roald Dahl *

Joy and Indigo's Version of the School Song

As sung by Joy Hecate Hardbroom and Indigo Moon

Onward ever skiving onward

Proudly in our rooms we lie

Zoom like rockets through the treetops

Breaking rules as we whizz by

Ne'er a teacher goes before us

Who we will not prank our best

Keep our cauldrons smelling awful

Cast our spells with cheek and jest

Full of yawns we mix our potions

Add whatever we decide

When we turn Miss to a froggy

Let us think of it with pride!

* Lyrics derived from the (2017 - 2020) BBC TV series adaptation of The Worst Witch *

Online Choir

The Domestic Goblin's favourite extracts of songs sung during online choir 

'Singing in the Rain'

Why do they call me the boy with the smile?

When did I find out that life is worthwhile?

Why do I treat all my troubles with scorn?

Seeing the rainbow before it is born.

Why am I sure all my dreams will come true?

Because I am banking my whole world on you...

'Your Song' performed by Elton John

I hope you don't mind 

That I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

'From A Distance' performed by Bette Midler

From a distance we all have enough,

and no one is in need.

And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease,

no hungry mouths to feed.

From a distance we are instruments

marching in a common band.

Playing songs of hope,

playing songs of peace.

They're the songs of every man

'What If' performed by Kate Winslet

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know

Domestic Goblin's Current Favourite MAC Lipsticks

Spring/Summer

• Brick O La: Mid-Tone Berry (Amplified Creme)
• Fast Play: Neutral Pink (Amplified Creme)

Autumn/Winter

• Craving: Burst of Plum (Amplified Creme)
• Amorous: Lovestruck Cranberry (Satin)

Lipstick finishes:

Amplified Creme: an ultra-creamy lipstick formula with a smooth glide, bold colour payoff, full coverage and a semi-lustrous finish.

Satin: a creamy lipstick formula with a soft cushiony feel, medium-to-full buildable coverage and a satin finish.