The ghosts who died in or among the grounds of Button House (previously known as Higham House)
Fanny Button (Lady Stephany): Pushed out of the window by her adulterous and secretly gay husband George. Involuntarily re-enacts her death every day at 3am. Had a very brief posthumous affair with the body of Sir Humphrey Bone and enjoys watching Murder She Wrote.
Julian Fawcett MP: Had a heart attack whilst having adulterous sex and died with no trousers on. He is able to touch objects in the real world if he concentrates very hard.
Patrick Butcher: A scout leader who was accidentally shot through the neck with an arrow during an archery lesson in 1984 by one of his scouts called Keith Darren Dean. Pat's family visits the spot where he died on the anniversary of his death every year.
Thomas Thorne: A Romantic poet from the Regency era who was betrayed by his cousin (Francis Button) resulting in him being shot by a musket during a duel on October 10th 1824.
Robin: A caveman who lived on the land. Enjoys playing chess, worships the moonah and is able to make lights flicker.
Captain: A repressed homosexual Second World War army officer.
Mary: A peasant woman who was burnt at the stake during the Stuart era witch trials. She can still emit a burning smell if live people walk through her unknowingly.
Kitty (Lady Katherine): A friendly, giggly and naive Georgian noblewoman. She was adopted when she was a baby by a wealthy couple who also had a biological daughter of similar age called Eleanor. Eleanor gave the illusion of being a caring sister but was actually resentful and jealous and reminded Kitty repeatedly that she was mother's 'true' daughter.
Sir Humphrey Bone: A Tudor nobleman who entered into an arranged marriage aged 14 with a 12 year old girl from a French noble family. Later, it turns out that under the guise of a book club, his wife and others plotted to assassinate Queen Elizabeth I in favour of her Catholic cousin, Mary Queen of Scots. Humphrey was accidentally decapitated by two dangling swords from a chimney whilst hiding from Royal guards searching for the Catholic plotters.
The ghosts down in the basement: Killed by the Plague.
Positions mentioned by Julian Fawcett:
~ Moroccan tea party
~ Norwegian picnic
~ Himalayan campsite
Posh people dinner party according to Fanny Button:
~ Turtle soup
~ Oyster rissoles
~ Pheasant
~ Pelaverga wine
What I Would Wear If I Could Today (if the ghosts could get up one morning and wear whatever they liked):
Fanny: Answer unknown.
Patrick: Tracky Bs, tracky T and white Hi-Tecs.
Robin: Apollo A7L spacesuit.
Julian: Trousers.
Kitty: Blue jeans and a green jumper.
Captain: What he is currently wearing (army uniform).
Thomas: Double denim with aviators.
Mary: Dress made out of seashells with a simple lobster hat.
Hermione and Roger written and recited by Thomas Thorne
Summer hath aroused
the twilight of life in the hay
Shadows long and dark
Time has passed
since the honeymoon of May
And held aloft by rosy buds
Whose nectar sweet forbade
Upon the banks of the rushing Ouse
sits there a poor man...
(Two hours later...)
Oh, welcome death
Oh, sweetest sleep
on this Earth, we are but a lodger
For she was his Hermione
And he always her Roger!
Grandma went to the shops and bought an apple:
~ A packet of Monster Munch
~ A bottle of sherry
~ Playboy magazine
~ An Enfield No 2 standard issue revolver
~ A swingball
~ A lace brassiere
The Sun by Thomas Thorne
The sun, you rise when night is done
Like a big yellow bun
Come sweet sun
Let us have fun
Must weigh a ton
The Inaugural Cocktail Society
Julian: Sex on the beach.
Thomas: Port and lemon.
Robin: Puddle water mixed with river water.
Mary: Doesn't partake in devil's juice.
Patrick's daily schedule when he was alive
6:30 - Wake, ablutions.
7:00 - Breakfast, read paper.
7:30 - Shower with a show tune, something from Annie or Guys and Dolls.
(We don't hear about the rest of the day until bed time...)
9:30 - A chapter of Sharpe, cocoa and bed.
Fish and chips on Fridays.
Shepherd's pie on Wednesdays.
* Information derived from the BBC TV series 'Ghosts' starring Charlotte Ritchie and Kiell Smith-Bynoe *
